Mother’s Day, 2019

Mother. A title you never took lightly. A job you managed to do so effortlessly. A love I had only experienced as a child for her mother. A love I’ve never known till now. A mother for her child. And I finally understand how deep rooted that love runs, how indescribable it truly is. How you could love something, someone so much that it really does hurt, because in a matter of seconds your dreams and your fears become so much larger than yourself, they are for something greater. For someone greater. A person that you’ve provided a home to for 9 months and many years after, a person who shares your same eyes, your husbands smile, and the debate is out on whose disposition. And it’s all so crazy and miraculous and unnerving and exciting – the process, the journey… to shed who you were to become what you’re called to be.

As hard as this story has been, it has been so, so good too. A burial, a birth. A mourning, a rejoicing. I have seen this story, my story, our story, now come full circle in all its good, hard ways. And despite all the sadness, joy persists somehow. Becoming a mother without a mother. It is something I wish on no one. The questions I have for you, there are so many. I often think of all you’ll miss and how much I’ll miss you missing them because you should be here. But when you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. When I speak of you, my child will know of the beauty you brought into this world, the strength and fight you had to stay in it, and the incredible mother you truly were, are. You may not be here physically, but I know you’re here, watching, smiling, and ready to take on your next role as this baby’s guardian angel…a gift my baby will know is worth beaming with pride over. They will know the privilege of aging and will taste the sweetness of life, and bitterness too, knowing there is beauty in both. Something you taught me. So, I end this devotional with deep, profound thanks.

My first Mother’s Day without you, mom… and my first Mother’s Day as a mother to be. Baby Meier scheduled to arrive October 2019 and we are over the moon excited to meet him/her!